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It’s been 4 days, and I feel excellent. Probably the best I’ve felt in forever. I’ll be posting the vegan mac n cheese recipe later this evening.
My neighbor, Ida Mae turned 75 on last Sunday. Ida Mae is quite the character, hilarious and my favorite neighbor thus far. She casually mentioned to me earlier the previous week, on the way to Piggly Wiggly, that she had to hurry and get home because she had to clean off a spot on her kitchen table for all the presents she would receive for her birthday. I noticed her hint and made a mental note not to forget her birthday.
On Ida Mae’s birthday, I woke up earlier than I usually do and decided to make giant cupcakes.
Since Walmart had thrown up Valentine’s Day everywhere, I felt compelled to make the cutest, pinkest cupcakes for Ida Mae’s 75th Birthday. I haven’t the slighest idea if she even likes pink.
I added sprinkles to the batter to give the cupcakes a pink tint.
This cupcake looked so wonderful, I had to try one.
This may look like an average size cupcake but it is giant. This recipe only made 6 cupcakes total.
Birthday Cupcakes with card
So once I completed the card, Ben and I walked over to her house to deliver them. She wasn’t there. We went again about 2 hours later and nobody answered the door. I began to worry. She wasn’t at home on Monday or Tuesday either. She doesn’t drive, so she mostly walks everywhere. I kept looking out the windows of my house to see if I could see her walking down the street or doing something in the front yard. No Ida Mae. Of course I thought that maybe she died. I know that is horrible but I was worried and immediately thought the worse. Ben told me to relax, that if she died we would know. Why would we know? Who would tell us? We are new neighbors and hardly at the top of any call list.
I am happy to report that she is very much alive and loving her 75th year. The cupcakes however didn’t make it. I need to learn not to stalk my neighbors.
Apologies are due for my unannounced hiatus, as I have written nothing for Jerkburger in over two months. I apologize to my readers and supporters for the unannounced break from daily updates.
I stopped writing for a bit to do some real soul-searching. In this rumination on life, love, and loss, I’ve come to realize a few things:
- Sand cannot be substituted for salt in recipes.
- Shouting “SNIKT!” and clenching one’s fists will not cause adamantium claws to protrude from their knuckles. However, it will attract disdainful looks while waiting to check out at a grocery store.
- Philanthropy is not a religion dedicated to the teachings of Dr. Phil. I learned that one the hard way.
- Many tables will indeed flip over if one puts their palms underneath a table’s edge and pushes upward in a fit of rage.
- Most professional male athletes enjoy having sex with women that aren’t their spouses.
- Paperclips are not certified by any medical authority as a cleaner for one’s ear canal.
- Video games will waste your time, unless you view your destiny on this planet as becoming the first person to burn out their retinas playing them.
Jerkburger’s initial intent was to provide you, the reader/viewer-of-your-computer-screen, with any and all relevant notices on popular culture. The task proved to be much more daunting than it seemed to be on a figurative sheet of paper. Therefore, the site’s design and theme will be re-vamped to not only provide you, the reader/viewer-of-your-computer-screen, with better writing, information and points of interest, but it will be done to better suit my interests. And when I’m happy to be writing a topic, I guarantee you, the reader/viewer-of-your-computer-screen, will receive the highest quality content possible (that is within my ability to write…which can really be summarized as a plethora of scatological humor).
So, now onto the discussion of the switching of content. Mr. Neil Peart, a snare roll if you would please. *I reach into a trucker hat with folded sheets of paper in it* The dominant content on this site will be……*unfolds sheet* LITERARY CONTENT!!!!
Wait. Please don’t shut off your computer in disgust just yet. Let me unpack that for you. The content discussed on this site will not simply be discussion of literary works. I will discuss all relevant angles of literature possible. For example, posts will feature news on literature, such as upcoming books, events with authors, literary awards, et cetera. Jerkburger will also be geared toward writers, as the craft of writing fiction and poetry will be shared and discussed openly, not unlike other writer’s forums. So basically, any topic that is rooted in literature will be the main focus of Jerkburger. But don’t fret. Jerkburger will also serve as a medium in which I can share my fiction and instrumental beats with everyone!
Okay. I saw you roll your eyes at me, but I don’t care. How? How what? How did I see you rolling your eyes at me? Oh, I can see into your house through the webcam on your computer. Well…not technically legal…but you should probably get that mole on your inner thigh checked out. It’s looking a lot darker than it did last week.
I hope that we meet again tomorrow or sometime soon.
In closing, I leave you with a sneak peek at the new Jerkburger ad campaign that will be hitting all major cities across the U.S.*
*There is no ad campaign. But if you do see these ads, your mind’s eye is merely projecting them onto blank advertisement spaces.
Ernest Hemingway extends his praise from the grave.
Ernest Hemingway extends his praise from the grave.
Who knew?
I’ve become a real fan of the bins at these organic grocery stores I’ve been visiting. Whole Foods even has oats and nutritional yeast in huge barrels with a sign advocating less product packaging. I’ve been reading up on oats lately, and they are really good for the body. They basically go through your system and act like a sponge for all the “bad stuff.” I recently purchased steel cut oats and old-fashioned oats. Steel cut oats are whole oats that have been cut. Old-fashioned oats are the ones that look like tiny ovals. They are whole oats that have been steamed and then rolled out, hence the flatness. Instant oatmeal, the one I was most familiar with, has already been pre-cooked. They cook quicker than the other two I mentioned, and they can be added to smoothies for healthy bulk and meat products to stretch the dollar.
Today, I mixed 1/8 cup quick oats with 1/8 cup old-fashioned oats. The usual rule is to add twice as much water or milk to whatever measurements you have. Since my measurement was for my one serving of a 1/4 cup, I added a 1/2 cup of soy milk and cooked in the microwave for about 2 minutes. A quick stir, and then back for another 2 minutes. Make sure your bowl is big enough or you’ll get a messy boil over.
I went to Whole Foods last night for some vegan chocolate cookie supplies, and I made an impulse buy. I imagined the delicious texture of it all mixed in with my oatmeal, and I could not resist. I am here to tell you that it was GOOD. The old-fashioned oats livened up the texture of the instant oatmeal so that if you’re not into sludginess, this might be the trick for you. I’ll try to take a picture next time of my concoction (even if it wasn’t that pretty), but this time I just ate them all up!
I ate meat 3 times this week. Each was disappointing, and I was uncomfortable and gross-feeling for at least 3-4 hours afterward (which is why I remember exactly how many times I consumed meat). Now, granted, this was cafeteria and restaurant meat–ham sandwich, taco salad, and hot wing-style tenders (oh gah I love hot wing sauce).
Since I’ve been “flirting” with this idea for quite some time now, I’m just going to do it. I’m going vegetarian for a month. I don’t think will be difficult at all. We already don’t eat meat for dinner, so I’ll just have to plan for lunches at school.
Some things I will be trying and featuring in the coming weeks:
- Vegan Balsamic Vinegar Chocolate Cookies
- TVP
- red lentils
- Vegan Mac & Cheese
- lots of garbanzo bean goodies
- lots of whole grain yummies
- and anything else I come across
If you have any great vegan or vegetarian suggestions or great recipes, I would love to try them!
I am very happy with this development of mine, and I feel like it will be just as good as when I decided to give up cokes. Here’s to healthy living!
Karen's Botanicals Calendula Rose Facial Cream (otherwise known as ham city)
Scent- Usually, scent is not the most important aspect of a product for me. When the product smells like ham, however, scent becomes a big deal. After applying this a few nights ago for the first time, I contemplated washing it off because of the smell. I decided against it, for the sake of this review.
Performance- This stuff is very moisturizing, and (smell aside) it makes a wonderful night cream. When I wake up after wearing it all night, my skin feels super soft.
Ingredients (as listed on the website)- Sunflower, Olive oil infused with Rosebud and Calendula blossom, Calendula extract, Aloe Vera gel, Jojoba oil, Emulsifying vegetable wax, Beeswax, Mixed Tocopherols (non-GMO certified Vitamin E oil), Borage seed oil, Evening Primrose oil*, Borage seed oil, Rosehip seed oil, Blue Chamomile essential oil, selected essential oil blend.
(All of the ingredients except for the mixed tocopherols and the selected essential oil blend are certified organic.)
Product description (given on Carenoline.com, where I purchased it)- “A rich nourishing cream formulated for normal to extremely dry skin types, including sensitive skin. Made with super soothing calendula and blue chamomile oils, enriched with Evening Primrose and Borage Seed oils. Skin loving olive oil and healing aloe vera combine beautifully with rosehip seed oil–a powerful tool in the fight against hyperpigmentation (otherwise known as age spots). Very lightly scented with pure floral essential oils.”
(To be made more accurate, the last sentence should say “Very lightly scented with pure floral essential oils, and very powerfully scented with something that smells like ham.”
Price- $25.50 for a 1.7 oz container (luckily, I only purchased the sample size for four dollars.)
Rating- I’ll give this product a six. I subtracted three points for the ham business and one for the price.
I’ve been struggling to figure out what to do with those beautiful Meyer lemons I picked up at Johnny Becnel’s while in New Orleans last weekend. I wanted to make something that didn’t require too much work (we made Chickpea Cutlets from Veganomicon for dinner last night, which are fairly time-consuming by themselves) that would still be delicious and good with coffee for breakfast today, so I chose pound cake.
Meyer Lemons from Johny Becnel's Farm Fresh Produce in Belle Chasse, LA
There are several reasons I love pound cake more than bread or cake. First of all, I’m not a big fan of icing pound cake has none. Secondly, pound cake is more moist than either bread or cake. And finally, pound cake is really rich but not too sweet–meaning I can eat it for breakfast without feeling queasy all day.
Meyer Lemon Pound Cake, shortly before being devoured for breakfast this morning
I used this Meyer Lemon Pound Cake recipe found at My Husband Cooks. I was forced to make a few alterations because I don’t have a stand mixer and I didn’t feel like going to the store. Still, I am very pleased with how it turned out (as are my friends, who ate over half the cake last night). I may use the lemons I have left to make a couple more to freeze for special occasions. The recipe calls for:
- 2 C all-purpose flour
- 1 3/4 C sugar
- 1 C butter (2 sticks; I used Smart Balance because I didn’t feel like going to the store and that was all we had, but I’ll probably use butter next time)
- 3 large eggs
- 3 egg yolks
- 2 meyer lemons (zest and juice; I do not have a zester, so I just used the juice and the end result was still very lemony)
- 2 t vanilla extract
- 1 t baking powder
- 1/2 t salt
Preheat oven to 325° and grease and flour a 9 x 5 loaf pan. Cream together softened butter and sugar. When the butter and sugar have been mixed thoroughly, add the eggs and yolks one at a time, mixing after each addition. Add the lemon zest and juice (or just juice if you’re me), and mix thoroughly. Add the vanilla, baking powder and salt, and mix thoroughly. Add the flour in 1/2 C increments, slowly mixing until it’s just completely integrated–do not over mix. Pour the batter into the loaf pan and bake in the oven for 75-80 min. When the cake is done, a toothpick will pull clean from the center. Allow 15 minutes for cooling, then serve!
The talented Jason Munn of The Small Stakes has a special place in my heart. Although we haven’t technically met, his work speaks to me. My walls need these posters.
Have a great weekend everybody!
I’m still stuck on the potato log.
Meaning, since confessing to you about my lust and love for the said potato log, yesterday afternoon, I’ve not been able to think about anything else except food.
And so, at the risk of offending some of you, I feel I’ve no choice to move myself past this obsessive food-thinking other than to write about it. So, I’m going to spend the next few moments with you, making one confession after another about a few dishes, recipes, snacks, and various other, sundry foods that I not only grew up with, but that, I feel, have defined who I am, today, in large part.
I hope you like me by the time I’m done. read more…
Recently the H and I joined a coworker of mine for dinner and football. It was the Saints game that sent them to the Superbowl, and I was incredibly happy! I feel like I’ve waited for this moment my entire life. My coworker and his wife are pretty fantastic, and they served some pretty fantastic food to go along with it. Grilled salmon in an Asian-inspired marinade, steamed broccoli in a light sesame dressing/glaze, and wild rice. It was so good that I was thinking about it all day Monday, a good week later. MMMMM HMMMM! I marinated salmon in it Monday night and tofu for Tuesday night. It is so good that I made 2 servings (one for my salmon and one for my tofu). Do not try to stretch this because, trust me, you are going to want the extra sauce to go over your rice. Andrew says it is good on Tuna as well. Alrighty then!
Andrew’s Asian Marinade:
- 2 tbsp. soy
- 3 tbsp. hoisin sauce (easily found in the Asian section)
- 2 tbsp. EVOO
- juice of half a lemon
- 2 garlic cloves, minced
- a few scallions (I used regular onion diced into tiny pieces b/c I was fresh out of scallions)
- 1/2-1 inch of fresh ginger (or a dash or 2 of the powdered ginger)
- 1/2-1 tsp. freshly ground black pepper
The black pepper really lends a new level to this marinade so don’t be afraid to use it liberally.
It’s also good for a tofu marinade. Just cut and dry out your extra firm tofu as you normally would. Marinate it overnight. I baked it in the oven at 350 last night, and it was my best attempt at store-bought tofu to date.
My other idea was to deep fry it first then toss with the marinade in a pan and serve over rice. I have been trying to figure out for months how restaurants get their tofu so perfectly browned on all sides without destroying the shape of their cubes. They have to deep fry. They just have to.
A note on side dishes for this: If your grocery has those large dispensers of organic rices, grains, and dried beans, go for it! I got my wild rice from one of these bins at the Turnip Truck (but I have also seen these dispensers at Wild Oats and Whole Foods). It’s a cute little natural market in East Nashville. I’ve made it a goal to visit all the farmer’s markets and local produce/grocery stores in the Nashville area. I’ll be posting thoughts soon.
